The Art of Sacrify

It has been a long time I didn't leave any message here......
Finally I got my MBA course and a new job in Penang
This can finally considered a new life in Penang

Last weekend 11 Oct 2009 wasn't a good day for me
Although I am the one who end up making the decision and made up the words
but I am still the one who have to suffer the most

Being the only one who always sacrifices and contributing efforts to prolong it,
sometimes I feel very tired and demotivating
especially when I need care and comfort from others (I am human too)
and most of the time, I am the only one who have to cheer up myself

I thought that I could be nothing and won't be so depressed
but I just pretending to be okay and tough in front of others
I just want to be looked free and easy or elegant

Deeply into my heart, I feel more lonely and cold
Can't stop thinking of her and still deeply in love of her
I still can't let go her or I can say, I can't leave her

The main reason that I took initiative to propose
is for the goodness of her
I understand her situation and feeling
I just want to free up her burden and also responsibility
I know she can have a better life without me or this responsibility, maybe...
but at least she is very happy to have the freedom
If not she has to suffer by holding a relation that is no feel at all

Just because I know she won't do that again to me
So I have no choice to sacrifice myself for her happiness
For yourself, maybe you just treat me as a normal friend
but for myself, I still treat you as my soulmate all the time
for the beginning of the relationship till after all
although now we are already.....
Maybe it have to take time for me to recover from the wound that
has been gone deeper and deeper each time
Maybe one year, two year or forever

Although I am having a tough and busy life recently
with my new job and master study
and I thought I could making myself too busy and
no time for emotional and sadness
But end up, I am still in a very down mood busying with
every matter of my life

Anyway, I sincerely wishes all the best for you
and hope you stay happy forever
As a friend, I will be the only one who still bless you everyday
Appear in front of you whenever there is a need from you
Giving helping hand to solve your problems
because you are the one whom I love the most
and you are the last one whom I love

I think nobody including you will note my update of this post
because I am completely inactive in blogging for very long time