颓废

这个周末过得好颓废
呆在家里两天没出门
只完成了个人的作业
还有组的作业还没开始
感觉好无心恋战

脑袋烫烫的 我发烧了
呕了好几次
心里的痛更是折磨
不是不能接受离别
而是心痛你对我这个朋友的态度
对我发脾气是不是已经成为你的习惯

好怕我的课业做不完
颓废的我 只是一直一拖再拖
我知道我应该振作起来
但是真的很难
日子过得度日如年
或许我应该连做知己的奢求都应该放弃

Suffering

I miss you so much
Life without you is meaningless
Now I realized that I cant live without you

No dependent

Have nobody to tell my sickness and problems
Have nobody to comfort me
Here is where I can spit out everything
As I know
直到分手后 你不难过 你比从前快乐

Sleepless

Have been more than a week
I began to be sleepless
The rim of my eyes become more and more black

More and more stuff bothering me
More and more work loads
Heavier work responsibility
Heavier school assignments

Most of all, i miss her so much
but i forced myself not to contact her
not to find her

My energy is running low now
Besides as an electrical engineer,
the director assigned me as
the project manager for 4 projects
Difficult to gain concentration on my work
Cant stop thinking of her

But I know I have no choice
As I am helping myself,
hope that God will bless me

Tonight have to finish my individual assignment
that is going to submit by next week
Tomorrow have to finish my group assignment
so that it can be combined on tomorrow

Haven recovered from the heart broken
And now tired of the circle of life
But I promise myself not to give up
both my works and master course

Although actually I am motiveless in my current life
I dunno what is the purpose of
what I am busying now
sigh....

The Art of Sacrify

It has been a long time I didn't leave any message here......
Finally I got my MBA course and a new job in Penang
This can finally considered a new life in Penang

Last weekend 11 Oct 2009 wasn't a good day for me
Although I am the one who end up making the decision and made up the words
but I am still the one who have to suffer the most

Being the only one who always sacrifices and contributing efforts to prolong it,
sometimes I feel very tired and demotivating
especially when I need care and comfort from others (I am human too)
and most of the time, I am the only one who have to cheer up myself

I thought that I could be nothing and won't be so depressed
but I just pretending to be okay and tough in front of others
I just want to be looked free and easy or elegant

Deeply into my heart, I feel more lonely and cold
Can't stop thinking of her and still deeply in love of her
I still can't let go her or I can say, I can't leave her

The main reason that I took initiative to propose
is for the goodness of her
I understand her situation and feeling
I just want to free up her burden and also responsibility
I know she can have a better life without me or this responsibility, maybe...
but at least she is very happy to have the freedom
If not she has to suffer by holding a relation that is no feel at all

Just because I know she won't do that again to me
So I have no choice to sacrifice myself for her happiness
For yourself, maybe you just treat me as a normal friend
but for myself, I still treat you as my soulmate all the time
for the beginning of the relationship till after all
although now we are already.....
Maybe it have to take time for me to recover from the wound that
has been gone deeper and deeper each time
Maybe one year, two year or forever

Although I am having a tough and busy life recently
with my new job and master study
and I thought I could making myself too busy and
no time for emotional and sadness
But end up, I am still in a very down mood busying with
every matter of my life

Anyway, I sincerely wishes all the best for you
and hope you stay happy forever
As a friend, I will be the only one who still bless you everyday
Appear in front of you whenever there is a need from you
Giving helping hand to solve your problems
because you are the one whom I love the most
and you are the last one whom I love

I think nobody including you will note my update of this post
because I am completely inactive in blogging for very long time