醉了最好

漫无目的的人生
活着也不知道为了什么
心里的痛一点也没减轻
我还是很伤心
我还是很想她
我还是很爱她
之所以无法面对这还血淋淋的伤口
昨晚聚会过后去了酒吧喝酒
希望醉了就不需要再烦
希望醉了就不会再伤心
还好这次我不需要驾车
可以彻底地醉
好怀念在外流浪的日子
伤心的时候可以夜夜买醉
不需要让家人看见
只有酒才能抚平我多处的伤口

生活少了她
感觉好象少了一大块
活着的感觉就象行尸走肉
我的心不见了
感觉身边的一切
都不重要
笑容没了
热诚没了
自我没了
距离有了
快乐也走了
就无法用心去体会生活了

无题

今天还是忍耐不住想见她的冲动
上完课后就去找她，上课时有发了个信息告诉她。
谁知道去到了她的家，她婆婆告诉我她已经出去了。
打给她又没人接，只好打给她的姐姐，
原来她去了唱K。
无可奈何，我只好打回头，
回槟城去了，虽然已经三点多了还没吃午餐。
刚上车，一股无法控制的伤感涌上心头，
我流泪了。
我以为我的泪泉经过上几次的“事件”
已经变得干枯了，在怎么伤心也流不出来。
这次。。。却失控的一滴一滴地流下来。
过了一会儿，终于决定打给她说我要回了，
但她就叫我去K房找她，结果我就去了。
去到了，她就陪我吃了麦字号，
我们也一起逛了逛衣服店。
之后，我没与她们一同吃晚餐，
在远处跟她挥手道别了。
心里真的很伤心，却不能表露出来，
越是待下去，我的心里越是痛苦，
很想早早离开，但又舍不得。
回家的路途，驾得很慢，
心里很痛苦。
回到了家，也没胃口吃晚餐，
也不感到饿。
原谅我不懂要怎么面对你，
原谅我太在乎你，却显得无所谓，
原谅我不懂要以什么心态与你沟通，
原谅我戒不掉“有你”的习惯。
对不起。。。

颓废

这个周末过得好颓废
呆在家里两天没出门
只完成了个人的作业
还有组的作业还没开始
感觉好无心恋战

脑袋烫烫的 我发烧了
呕了好几次
心里的痛更是折磨
不是不能接受离别
而是心痛你对我这个朋友的态度
对我发脾气是不是已经成为你的习惯

好怕我的课业做不完
颓废的我 只是一直一拖再拖
我知道我应该振作起来
但是真的很难
日子过得度日如年
或许我应该连做知己的奢求都应该放弃

Suffering

I miss you so much
Life without you is meaningless
Now I realized that I cant live without you

No dependent

Have nobody to tell my sickness and problems
Have nobody to comfort me
Here is where I can spit out everything
As I know
直到分手后 你不难过 你比从前快乐

Sleepless

Have been more than a week
I began to be sleepless
The rim of my eyes become more and more black

More and more stuff bothering me
More and more work loads
Heavier work responsibility
Heavier school assignments

Most of all, i miss her so much
but i forced myself not to contact her
not to find her

My energy is running low now
Besides as an electrical engineer,
the director assigned me as
the project manager for 4 projects
Difficult to gain concentration on my work
Cant stop thinking of her

But I know I have no choice
As I am helping myself,
hope that God will bless me

Tonight have to finish my individual assignment
that is going to submit by next week
Tomorrow have to finish my group assignment
so that it can be combined on tomorrow

Haven recovered from the heart broken
And now tired of the circle of life
But I promise myself not to give up
both my works and master course

Although actually I am motiveless in my current life
I dunno what is the purpose of
what I am busying now
sigh....

The Art of Sacrify

It has been a long time I didn't leave any message here......
Finally I got my MBA course and a new job in Penang
This can finally considered a new life in Penang

Last weekend 11 Oct 2009 wasn't a good day for me
Although I am the one who end up making the decision and made up the words
but I am still the one who have to suffer the most

Being the only one who always sacrifices and contributing efforts to prolong it,
sometimes I feel very tired and demotivating
especially when I need care and comfort from others (I am human too)
and most of the time, I am the only one who have to cheer up myself

I thought that I could be nothing and won't be so depressed
but I just pretending to be okay and tough in front of others
I just want to be looked free and easy or elegant

Deeply into my heart, I feel more lonely and cold
Can't stop thinking of her and still deeply in love of her
I still can't let go her or I can say, I can't leave her

The main reason that I took initiative to propose
is for the goodness of her
I understand her situation and feeling
I just want to free up her burden and also responsibility
I know she can have a better life without me or this responsibility, maybe...
but at least she is very happy to have the freedom
If not she has to suffer by holding a relation that is no feel at all

Just because I know she won't do that again to me
So I have no choice to sacrifice myself for her happiness
For yourself, maybe you just treat me as a normal friend
but for myself, I still treat you as my soulmate all the time
for the beginning of the relationship till after all
although now we are already.....
Maybe it have to take time for me to recover from the wound that
has been gone deeper and deeper each time
Maybe one year, two year or forever

Although I am having a tough and busy life recently
with my new job and master study
and I thought I could making myself too busy and
no time for emotional and sadness
But end up, I am still in a very down mood busying with
every matter of my life

Anyway, I sincerely wishes all the best for you
and hope you stay happy forever
As a friend, I will be the only one who still bless you everyday
Appear in front of you whenever there is a need from you
Giving helping hand to solve your problems
because you are the one whom I love the most
and you are the last one whom I love

I think nobody including you will note my update of this post
because I am completely inactive in blogging for very long time